Couldn't help but roll this one out again; it's a particular favorite of mine; and, timeless, as well. It was originally written in 2008 and you will notice that nothing has changed! Enjoy.
The topic for today....(drumroll, please!)....SEX!! That's right, you heard it correctly; I'm going to talk about sex, today. It is in the front of my brain these days as my amazing Pastor has been conducting a series of sermons over the last few weeks, fondly referred to as The Summer Sizzler. Now, to be fair, the entire series has not been about sex, per se; but, rather about relationships and more specifically healthy marriages. Recreational sex, it seems, plays a huge part in creating and maintaining a healthy marriage. Yeah, right!! I'll tell you what creates and maintains a healthy marriage - Estrogen! Now, to be fair, I am not expecting men to understand this particular concept; you are driven by testosterone. Women, on the other hand, are powered by a very fickle hormone known as estrogen. It is what makes us women; it is what makes us your biological mate. But it also makes us your ideological opposite. Your testosterone, though it does decrease with age, lessens so slowly that its absence is almost unnoticeable. But for those of us who are driven by constantly fluctuating levels of estrogen, the desire for recreational sex fluctuates, as well. It goes something like this:
A 20-Something woman - Oh, yeah! (I have no kids, I look great and my estrogen level is at flood stage)
A 30-Something woman - Maybe this weekend if I'm not exhausted! (Are you kidding? I have 2 kids, a job, a house, and my estrogen level ebbs and flows with the stages of the moon)
A 40-Something woman - Maybe when we're on vacation this summer and I can like you a little bit! (Ok, now you're really funny! The kids have huge issues, our larger house is impossible to keep clean, plus, I need to be married to my job to help pay for it; and, my estrogen is disappearing faster than your leg hair)
A 50-Something woman - Maybe next New Year's Eve when I'm totally tipsy! (Keep dreaming! The kids may be gone but so is my estrogen; and, I have more hair on my chin then you now have on your head)
A 60-Something woman - Maybe when Hell freezes over! (I've spent 40 years listening to you whine about recreational sex and I've had enough; that ship has sailed)
None of this means that we don't love you, gentlemen! And, it doesn't mean that we can't have healthy marriages. But it's time for you and the scientists of the world to take our libido seriously and develop a little blue pill for us, too. Until then, grow up and deal with it!!
Peace Out!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Usually, on Sunday evenings, I like to take a look at my calendar for the upcoming week so that I might be mentally prepared for any, and all, challenges that are heading my way. Yesterday was no exception. I was able to see the regular "stuff" that fills my calendar including, but not limited to, a weekly visit to one doctor or the other in the hope that I might prolong my existence for yet another week.
Anyway, yesterday, a very interesting calendar entry appeared for this week. It read, "Wait to hear from Joanne". For some of my faithful readers this might not sound interesting in the least. In fact, it might even be a rather mundane calendar entry. Here's the problem, though; I don't who Joanne is and, on top of that, I can't imagine why I'd be waiting to hear from her. There was, of course, no further information relative to this Joanne person; not a phone number, a business...nothing, nada, zip!! But then, why would I have added anything further as, obviously, I must have known who the heck Joanne was or I wouldn't have been intending to wait to hear from her. That was, however, back when I wrote the damn thing. Now, Joanne is just another thought that has disappeared into the black hole that was once my memory.
I'm hoping that maybe Joanne is an attorney who will be calling to tell me that a long lost relative has expired and made me an extremely wealthy woman. Or, maybe Joanne is a casting agent calling to tell me that I will be playing Scarlett in an upcoming remake of "Gone With the Wind". Better yet, maybe Joanne is my husband's lover who will be calling to tell me that he can now go live with her! Whoever she is, I sure hope she calls this week. Yoo hoo, Joanne, are you out there in blogland?
Peace Out!
Anyway, yesterday, a very interesting calendar entry appeared for this week. It read, "Wait to hear from Joanne". For some of my faithful readers this might not sound interesting in the least. In fact, it might even be a rather mundane calendar entry. Here's the problem, though; I don't who Joanne is and, on top of that, I can't imagine why I'd be waiting to hear from her. There was, of course, no further information relative to this Joanne person; not a phone number, a business...nothing, nada, zip!! But then, why would I have added anything further as, obviously, I must have known who the heck Joanne was or I wouldn't have been intending to wait to hear from her. That was, however, back when I wrote the damn thing. Now, Joanne is just another thought that has disappeared into the black hole that was once my memory.
I'm hoping that maybe Joanne is an attorney who will be calling to tell me that a long lost relative has expired and made me an extremely wealthy woman. Or, maybe Joanne is a casting agent calling to tell me that I will be playing Scarlett in an upcoming remake of "Gone With the Wind". Better yet, maybe Joanne is my husband's lover who will be calling to tell me that he can now go live with her! Whoever she is, I sure hope she calls this week. Yoo hoo, Joanne, are you out there in blogland?
Peace Out!
Friday, April 1, 2011
I'm feeling kind of lazy today, so I thought I'd bring back one of my most favorite posts. This one goes back to before the 2008 election and it is a good one! Enjoy!!
Darn, I Wish I'd Written This
Today, I am submitting, for your reading pleasure, a brilliant piece of writing that is, apparently, circulating the Internet. I am choosing to include this on my blog today, not because I'm lazy as I know you're thinking, but because I sincerely wish that I were the writer rather than the anonymous person who isn't taking credit. (If anyone out there is the true author, please let me know as I'd love to, firstly, meet you; then secondarily, give you credit for your genius.) So sit back and enjoy!
"Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking all of the Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio as they are currently giving it consideration. We've given them until November 4th to decide. We believe the split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states, we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.
To sum up, briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all of the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make your Red States pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant, unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be Pro-Choice and Anti-War, and we're going to want all of our citizens back from Iraq, at once. If you need people to fight, ask your Evangelicals; they have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you show pictures of their childrens' caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up; really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people and educating our children.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the UlS. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all of the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitos, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Chicago. We get Hollywood and Yosemite.
Additionally 38 percent of those in the Red States believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws. 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe that you are people with higher morals than we Blueies.
Finally, we're taking the good Pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States"
Darn, I Wish I'd Written This
Today, I am submitting, for your reading pleasure, a brilliant piece of writing that is, apparently, circulating the Internet. I am choosing to include this on my blog today, not because I'm lazy as I know you're thinking, but because I sincerely wish that I were the writer rather than the anonymous person who isn't taking credit. (If anyone out there is the true author, please let me know as I'd love to, firstly, meet you; then secondarily, give you credit for your genius.) So sit back and enjoy!
"Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking all of the Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio as they are currently giving it consideration. We've given them until November 4th to decide. We believe the split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states, we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.
To sum up, briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all of the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make your Red States pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant, unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be Pro-Choice and Anti-War, and we're going to want all of our citizens back from Iraq, at once. If you need people to fight, ask your Evangelicals; they have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you show pictures of their childrens' caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up; really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people and educating our children.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the UlS. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all of the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitos, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Chicago. We get Hollywood and Yosemite.
Additionally 38 percent of those in the Red States believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws. 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe that you are people with higher morals than we Blueies.
Finally, we're taking the good Pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States"
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