I caught a headline today, somewhere in the myriad of newspapers that I read, that said something about the fact that Michael Phelps wasn't sure that he would swim in the 2012 Olympics because he doesn't particularly care for the media scrutiny that comes with winning. Is he kidding? This is some sort of joke, right? Either that. or his years of swimming in chlorine has done immeasurable damage to his sense of reasoning. Basically, what he said is "If the press and public doesn't leave me alone, I'm not going to give the U.S. anymore gold medals. Nanenanebooboo!!" Listen to me, Michael, that doesn't work and believe me, I know.
In the olden days, when I was a mere child, beauty pageants were HUGE! There was a beauty pageant for everything and everyone. Every neighborhood, town, fire department, county fair, shopping mall, etc. had a beauty queen that was selected at a beauty pageant. (You with me, so far?). My father, being a bit of a local big shot, was often asked to judge these local pageants. Why, I will never know, except that he had quite the eye for a pretty girl. Anyway, many times my sisters and I would tag along with Daddy to these pageants and I can remember sitting all googly eyed at the spectacle of these girls in their glittery gowns and jeweled tiaras!! (To this day I remain mesmerized by glitter, but that's a whole other story)
One day I was shopping with my mother in a local department store and happened past the fashion jewelry department and there, to my wondering eyes, was a brilliant rhinestone tiara! I was blown away - it was the crown of crowns and I wanted it - NOW!! I didn't want to wait to grow up and enter a pageant; I wanted it NOW! And guess what, after screaming at the top of my lungs for however long it took my mother to cave, I got the tiara. You can't even begin to imagine how excited I was.
So, I took the tiara home and later that day I convened all of the kids on my block to announce that we would be having our own beauty pageant. There were looks of disbelief until I removed the tiara from it's velvet lined box. The girls began to cry and the boys, well let's just say the boys weren't sure what to do; however, at this stage in our lives (ages 10-12) they would have done about anything the girls asked them to do. So a beauty pageant it was! We worked for days, building a runway, robbing our mothers' closets of their glittery gowns, practicing our talent. It was an amazing time, that summer of 1965.
The day finally dawned and we were jazzed! The excitement was building and at the appointed time, the pageant began. Now, remember, I had initiated the event, I owned the crown, and my boyfriend (oh, please!) was the only judge. Now, take a guess - who do you think was going to win this thing? I can tell you one thing, it wasn't anyone but me!! That I would win was a given; except that I forgot to mention it in the planning. So when all was said and done and the winner was announced, you can imagine my shock when I heard a name other than mine. There I stood, in utter disbelief and horror. How could he? He was MY boyfriend and it was MY crown?
To attempt to retell the hullabaloo that followed would be almost impossible. Suffice it to say, that it was pretty ugly. The final straw came when I took my crown and announced, "If I didn't win, then nobody wins because I'm taking my crown and going home". I thought for sure that the entire cast and crew of this debacle would run after me begging me to reconsider my decision. But they didn't!! They just stayed and watched me walk away. And then, to make matters worse, the next day they had another pageant with a crown made out of aluminum foil. I wasn't invited, and I didn't go!
Eventually, all was forgotten and life got back to normal on our block, but no one ever again talked about that fateful day. The moral of this story is: Michael Phelps, be careful what you threaten - you might be surprised to discover that no one really cares!!
Peace Out!!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I am a Facebook Creeper
I don't know who coined the phrase, "Facebook creeper"; it may have been my daughter, for all I know, because that is how she currently refers to me. "Good Morning, Facebook creeper", or, "What's for dinner, Facebook creeper?". Thus begins just about every conversation Nina and I have these days. The most unfortunate part is that she is probably correct in that I spend inordinate amounts of time on this thing they call "Facebook". For those of you who are Facebook virgins, please allow me to be the first to initiate you into this new world that I have discovered (much later than many others, I might add!).
When I was a kid, there was a lady on our street who spent most of her time standing at her window watching anything and everything that was happening. She was our neighborhood busybody. And I would bet you a year's paycheck that your neighborhood had one, too. Am I right? We have one on our street, now; my kids call her "Window Woman". So, let's assume that this Facebook thing is your street, or neighborhood. Everyone has a house, most have families, and everyone has friends; lots of friends, actually. And on this street, friends visit friends, mates visit mates, kids visit parents, and they all have chats and discussions that are posted on their houses, also known as their "walls". Are you with me so far?
So throughout the day, messages are being posted on everyone's Facebook pages and I, dear friends, read them ALL!! That's right, I am the neighborhood BUSYBODY!! I know where you are, what you're doing, who you hang out with, whether or not your husband is a pain in the neck...Iknow it all!! And I am in my glory. I don't think I've ever been happier. I am never bored nor do I ever lack fodder for conversation. If you want to know what your kid did last night, ask me. Chances are that I know! In the old days, busybody was the term of choice, but today the term is...creeper. Therefore, I am a Facebook creeper.
Last week my son, Pat, called me to tell me that he had "friended" someone that I also knew. ("Friended" is the term that we groovy people use when we've asked someone to visit us at our Facebook house) Sadly, though, he ended the conversation with a warning that this person had better not show up on my list of friends, too. Sure, I was hurt. No self-respecting creeper wants anyone to place limits on her ability to creep. But I agreed, because I love my son, and because he said something about "total embarrassment". In fact, both of my kids have said tons about my new hobby and they're not happy. I wonder if "Window Woman's" kids are unhappy with her, too? Anyway, to make a long story short, I am trying very hard to limit the amount of time I spend creeping which leaves me with lots of free time to blog again!
The moral of this story is: if my blog is silent for a day, or two, you can bet your gluteous maximus that I know what you're doing.
Peace out!!
When I was a kid, there was a lady on our street who spent most of her time standing at her window watching anything and everything that was happening. She was our neighborhood busybody. And I would bet you a year's paycheck that your neighborhood had one, too. Am I right? We have one on our street, now; my kids call her "Window Woman". So, let's assume that this Facebook thing is your street, or neighborhood. Everyone has a house, most have families, and everyone has friends; lots of friends, actually. And on this street, friends visit friends, mates visit mates, kids visit parents, and they all have chats and discussions that are posted on their houses, also known as their "walls". Are you with me so far?
So throughout the day, messages are being posted on everyone's Facebook pages and I, dear friends, read them ALL!! That's right, I am the neighborhood BUSYBODY!! I know where you are, what you're doing, who you hang out with, whether or not your husband is a pain in the neck...Iknow it all!! And I am in my glory. I don't think I've ever been happier. I am never bored nor do I ever lack fodder for conversation. If you want to know what your kid did last night, ask me. Chances are that I know! In the old days, busybody was the term of choice, but today the term is...creeper. Therefore, I am a Facebook creeper.
Last week my son, Pat, called me to tell me that he had "friended" someone that I also knew. ("Friended" is the term that we groovy people use when we've asked someone to visit us at our Facebook house) Sadly, though, he ended the conversation with a warning that this person had better not show up on my list of friends, too. Sure, I was hurt. No self-respecting creeper wants anyone to place limits on her ability to creep. But I agreed, because I love my son, and because he said something about "total embarrassment". In fact, both of my kids have said tons about my new hobby and they're not happy. I wonder if "Window Woman's" kids are unhappy with her, too? Anyway, to make a long story short, I am trying very hard to limit the amount of time I spend creeping which leaves me with lots of free time to blog again!
The moral of this story is: if my blog is silent for a day, or two, you can bet your gluteous maximus that I know what you're doing.
Peace out!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Darn, I Wish I'd Written This
Today, I am submitting, for your reading pleasure, a brilliant piece of writing that is, apparently, circulating the Internet. I am choosing to include this on my blog today, not because I'm lazy as I know you're thinking, but because I sincerely wish that I were the writer rather than the anonymous person who isn't taking credit. (If anyone out there is the true author, please let me know as I'd love to, firstly, meet you; then secondarily, give you credit for your genius.) So sit back and enjoy!
"Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking all of the Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio as they are currently giving it consideration. We've given them until November 4th to decide. We believe the split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states, we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.
To sum up, briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all of the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make your Red States pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant, unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be Pro-Choice and Anti-War, and we're going to want all of our citizens back from Iraq, at once. If you need people to fight, ask your Evangelicals; they have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you show pictures of their childrens' caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up; really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people and educating our children.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the UlS. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all of the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitos, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Chicago. We get Hollywood and Yosemite.
Additionally 38 percent of those in the Red States believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws. 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe that you are people with higher morals than we Blueies.
Finally, we're taking the good Pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States"
See what I mean?
Peace Out!!
"Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking all of the Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio as they are currently giving it consideration. We've given them until November 4th to decide. We believe the split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states, we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.
To sum up, briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all of the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make your Red States pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant, unwed teenagers. Please be aware that the U.A. will be Pro-Choice and Anti-War, and we're going to want all of our citizens back from Iraq, at once. If you need people to fight, ask your Evangelicals; they have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you show pictures of their childrens' caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up; really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people and educating our children.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the UlS. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all of the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitos, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Chicago. We get Hollywood and Yosemite.
Additionally 38 percent of those in the Red States believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws. 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe that you are people with higher morals than we Blueies.
Finally, we're taking the good Pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States"
See what I mean?
Peace Out!!
Friday, October 31, 2008
My Christian World
I have been struggling, what with my liberal leaning views, to find a place in my Christian world. My amazing Pastor recently sent me an email in which he stated, "According to Pat Morley a Cultural Christian is a person who '…pursues the God we want instead of the God who is. It’s the tendency to be shallow in our understanding of God, wanting Him to be more of a gentle grandfather type who spoils us and lets us have our own way. It’s sensing a need for God, but on our own terms. It’s wanting the God we have underlined in our Bibles without wanting the rest of Him, too. It’s God relative instead of God absolute.' Christ has called us to an infinitely better life…Biblical Christianity." His inference throughout this email, and in other conversations, has been that I am a Cultural Christian because I am an advocate for a woman's right to choose.
Well, I have determined that I am neither a Biblical Christian, nor a Cultural Christian. I am, in fact, a Constitutional Christian, which I will define as a Christ follower who believes that our nation is truly "one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all". I believe that our founding fathers were inspired by God to create this democracy, so clearly outlined by our Constitution, and that the Constitution should be protected with unbridled fervor as it represents God's will for our people. Though the U. S. Constitution, like the Bible, can be interpreted by different people in many different ways, I have total and complete faith that God will guide our legislators and judicial appointees to understand His will in all matters pertinent to our national welfare. As a Constitutional Christian I adhere, unfailingly, to our national motto, "In God We Trust".
And, as Election '08 draws ever closer, it is my daily prayer that the American voting public will select our next President based on his total policy platform and its potential to provide help and support to the American people, rather than on a single issue that defies our Constitutional rights as willed by God.
Peace Out!!
Well, I have determined that I am neither a Biblical Christian, nor a Cultural Christian. I am, in fact, a Constitutional Christian, which I will define as a Christ follower who believes that our nation is truly "one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all". I believe that our founding fathers were inspired by God to create this democracy, so clearly outlined by our Constitution, and that the Constitution should be protected with unbridled fervor as it represents God's will for our people. Though the U. S. Constitution, like the Bible, can be interpreted by different people in many different ways, I have total and complete faith that God will guide our legislators and judicial appointees to understand His will in all matters pertinent to our national welfare. As a Constitutional Christian I adhere, unfailingly, to our national motto, "In God We Trust".
And, as Election '08 draws ever closer, it is my daily prayer that the American voting public will select our next President based on his total policy platform and its potential to provide help and support to the American people, rather than on a single issue that defies our Constitutional rights as willed by God.
Peace Out!!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
John McCain and Me
It appears that John McCain and I are completely cohesive in our moral beliefs. Yep, you heard it right - John McCain and I actually agree on the subject of abortion. I know, I know, I am as blown away as you probably are; but it's absolutely true. Neither Sen. McCain nor I believe in abortion, and...wait for it, wait for it...we both believe it is acceptable, in the event of rape or incest!! Now, you will note that there hasn't been much said on this subject during this entire campaign and the reason for that is simple - the base of the Republican Party (aka the Conservative Christians) would never have approved of a candidate whose values were so totally opposed to their own. Afterall, they believe that abortion is immoral and unacceptable in any event, or for any reason. But I was able to do some very simple research and easily found statements by candidate McCain, from others of his quadrennial Presidential bids, that very clearly indicate that he and I are of the same mind.
So, here's the question that is weighing heavy on my heart and my brain - is John McCain a babykiller, too? That's what I've been called and that's what Barack and Joe have been called, even though they agree with John. I'm just really amazed because there sure hasn't been much talk of Sen. McCain's abortion position especially in the Conservative Christian churches in this country. Oh, that's right, they can't, because if they did, they'd have to admit that they don't have a candidate who meets their moral litmus test.
I actually feel sorry for my Conservative Christian friends because if the test of an acceptable Presidential candidate is their position on abortion, they don't really have a candidate this go round. Maybe it's time to look further than abortion to other social and economic issues that might actually affect the American citizenry. If they do, they might find a suitable candidate.
John McCain and me? Who would have thunk it!!
Peace Out!!
So, here's the question that is weighing heavy on my heart and my brain - is John McCain a babykiller, too? That's what I've been called and that's what Barack and Joe have been called, even though they agree with John. I'm just really amazed because there sure hasn't been much talk of Sen. McCain's abortion position especially in the Conservative Christian churches in this country. Oh, that's right, they can't, because if they did, they'd have to admit that they don't have a candidate who meets their moral litmus test.
I actually feel sorry for my Conservative Christian friends because if the test of an acceptable Presidential candidate is their position on abortion, they don't really have a candidate this go round. Maybe it's time to look further than abortion to other social and economic issues that might actually affect the American citizenry. If they do, they might find a suitable candidate.
John McCain and me? Who would have thunk it!!
Peace Out!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Can you hear it?
It started as a whisper about 2 years ago and has grown to a tremendous roar. WE ARE...PENNSYLVANIA! (clap,clap,clap) WE ARE...PENNSYLVANIA!! It's almost hard to believe but we, Pennsylvanians, could very well be the voters who determine the outcome of Election '08. Oh sure, some pundits are now saying that Virginia might be the state that tells the tale; but let's be real here, folks. Is Virginia home to the Phillies? Do they claim ownership of the "Stillers"? And how about Joe Pa, huh? I think not. What exactly is so darn special about Virginia? Oh sure, there's that George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison thing, but that's old news. I'm talking modern history; I'm talking the Lake Erie "lake effect snows", Lynn Swan for Governor, and the Dover School District Biology curriculum. And Virginia has that sissy Early Voting because they can't handle one day voting. On November 4th, we Pennsylvanians will lace up our steel-toed boots, hop into our pick-up trucks, and stand in line for hours. Do you know why? Because we can!!
In 2000, I was riveted by the drama that encompassed the vote count in Florida and I was truly jealous of the attention paid to that state's voters. Hanging chads, or not, I wanted to be one of those voters. I wanted to be a voter who cried foul. I wanted the world press knocking on my door to find out whether or not I was a disenfranchised voter. I wanted to be one of the U.S. citizens who actually got to determine the next President.
And, now, it looks like I'm going to get my chance. Our polls close at 8PM on Tuesday and I can pretty much guarantee that, 47 seconds later, all of the major networks will be declaring the winner. And, just think, my vote counted!
WE ARE...PENNSYLVANIA!
Peace Out!!
In 2000, I was riveted by the drama that encompassed the vote count in Florida and I was truly jealous of the attention paid to that state's voters. Hanging chads, or not, I wanted to be one of those voters. I wanted to be a voter who cried foul. I wanted the world press knocking on my door to find out whether or not I was a disenfranchised voter. I wanted to be one of the U.S. citizens who actually got to determine the next President.
And, now, it looks like I'm going to get my chance. Our polls close at 8PM on Tuesday and I can pretty much guarantee that, 47 seconds later, all of the major networks will be declaring the winner. And, just think, my vote counted!
WE ARE...PENNSYLVANIA!
Peace Out!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Joe the Plumber...
...meet Sarah the Diva? You're kidding me, right? Yep, the Hockey Mom is a Diva, donchaknow! But, here's the way I see it - of course, she's a diva; you would be, too. It's the veritable fairy tale.
There was once this folksy, down-home woman with 5 kids who somehow got herself elected as Governor of a wilderness state with a total population less than most small towns in the lower 48. So she moved her family to the big city of Anchorage and began to use the citizens' money to build roads to nowhere, take her family on amazing vacations, and launch investigations relative to personal issues. And there she reigned until one incredible day when some people from the Republican National Committee showed up and asked her if she'd like to become Vice President of the United States of America. They told her that they would give her a plane to fly all over the country, they would toss out her jeans and sweatshirts and replace them with an entire wardrobe from Neiman and Saks, and even let her meet important people. Well, what was a girl to do? Of course, she said "yes", and the first stop was a shopping spree for the entire family.
Well, after $150,000 spent on clothing, an interview or two with the national press, and a guest spot on SNL, the McCain campaign is complaining that Sarah the Diva is going rogue. Excuse me, people, what the heck did you think was going to happen? She's gone from being the darling of the conservative right to being a drag on the campaign and she's afraid, very afraid. She sees the fairy tale ending and she's not happy. She'll have to return to Alaska and deal with that nasty "troopergate" thing. The clothes and adoring fans will disapear and the plane will be grounded. Oh my! What is a girl to do?
Never fear, Sarah the Diva. I hear there's a talk show waiting for you and you can have all of the fancy clothes your little heart desires.
Peace Out!!
There was once this folksy, down-home woman with 5 kids who somehow got herself elected as Governor of a wilderness state with a total population less than most small towns in the lower 48. So she moved her family to the big city of Anchorage and began to use the citizens' money to build roads to nowhere, take her family on amazing vacations, and launch investigations relative to personal issues. And there she reigned until one incredible day when some people from the Republican National Committee showed up and asked her if she'd like to become Vice President of the United States of America. They told her that they would give her a plane to fly all over the country, they would toss out her jeans and sweatshirts and replace them with an entire wardrobe from Neiman and Saks, and even let her meet important people. Well, what was a girl to do? Of course, she said "yes", and the first stop was a shopping spree for the entire family.
Well, after $150,000 spent on clothing, an interview or two with the national press, and a guest spot on SNL, the McCain campaign is complaining that Sarah the Diva is going rogue. Excuse me, people, what the heck did you think was going to happen? She's gone from being the darling of the conservative right to being a drag on the campaign and she's afraid, very afraid. She sees the fairy tale ending and she's not happy. She'll have to return to Alaska and deal with that nasty "troopergate" thing. The clothes and adoring fans will disapear and the plane will be grounded. Oh my! What is a girl to do?
Never fear, Sarah the Diva. I hear there's a talk show waiting for you and you can have all of the fancy clothes your little heart desires.
Peace Out!!
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